Setting the New Foundation for Fulfilling Relationships
By Liliane Mavridara
Last time Mars stayed for an extended time in one sign, it was in Virgo from November 2011 to May 2012 while Saturn was in Libra. Some of the themes that were explored at the time were honoring boundaries and personal needs, respect of oneself and the other, finding new ways of doing things, and letting go of what is not aligned with our personal growth. With Mars in Virgo there was an underlying emphasis on learning how to stay grounded and fully present while pursuing one’s desires and goals.
Saturn moved into Scorpio in October 2012 and this transit has offered opportunities to practice what we learned and take the next step on how we relate in a more authentic, bold and courageous way.
One example would be if when you meet someone for the first time, and you like him, to be clear right from the start what it is you are looking for.
Imagine saying, “I am always up for coffee and a good conversation,” or “I am not interested in marrying you or carrying your babies,” or “I am not looking to have sex with you. I am interested in getting to know you and who you are.”
There is a freedom given to both parties, freedom from expectations of performance at all levels.
Let’s be frank; if you are single and looking for a husband, you will look at everyone you meet through that lens. Or if you only want to have sex, the lens will have a different color.
Nevertheless, we must keep in mind that at the end of the day, everything starts from actually “connecting” with the other person. With the water triangles (grand trines) last summer that colored almost four months of our relationship experiences (both to self and the other) questions of vulnerability, honesty and self-worth were brought up.
What I kept hearing over and over again from my female clients was not whether the sex was good or not, but whether there was honest communication; whether the other person was attentive and present; whether he was respectful and caring.
There is a shift in the inner experience, at least from a woman’s perspective, of what women want. A shift from being focused on the “list” of attributes — tall, funny, blue eyes, good income — to a felt sense of how it is to be with that person. Some of the questions I may ask would be, “Do I feel comfortable around him? Do I feel comfortable enough to say whatever I am thinking? Do I feel heard? Do I feel he pays attention and he is present with me? Do I like the way I feel when I am in his arms, kissed and otherwise?”
With Mars moving into Libra, there may indeed be an assertiveness to take a new approach toward relating, perhaps even an attitude of, “I’ve had enough of this shit.” However, this attitude will require a certain level of self-knowledge and awareness because the forging forward will be through Saturn’s Scorpionic waters.
Personal relationships are the best ground for growth, period. So how do you enter them? Personally, I am aware of the million thoughts going through my head at the onset of a meeting, and the need to control the outcome. But if I am frank as to what it is I am looking for — deep and honest connection, presence, good company and fun — I let myself get out of the way. That gives me freedom to be who I am without attachment to what may happen, while at the same time it gives freedom to the other person to be who he chooses to be.
If you can start a relationship at this level, you will honor yourself, respect your boundaries and set a model for how right relationships should be.
At the same time, when you start off with this attitude you may become more aware of the challenges that will arise, especially any fears of being hurt or let down, or of commitment.
The good news is that these issues will always come up for healing when we are in intimate relationships. The bad news is that we will always deal with the same issues when in intimate relationships, the same thoughts, feelings or insecurities.
The breakthrough comes though when you are willing to face what needs to be transformed at a personal level; the healing that needs to take place so that you can feel more whole and content, when you are willing to explore how it would feel to be in a relationship where all your fears and concerns are honored and communicated openly no matter what. Where there are no hidden agendas, no assumptions or second-guessing but honest, raw and vulnerable (yet courageous) communication and depth.
With Mars moving through Libra, another theme to explore is how as an individual you can harmonize your inner and outer expressions (your inner and outer life) while being in relationship to another.
Because Venus rules Libra and the congruency or alignment with one’s values and self-worth, the harmonizer is of oneself with one’s values foremost, and how we embrace these values as we move into action, toward greater authenticity and a purpose-driven life.
How each person wants to be in a relationship and what s/he wants from that relationship is an individual experience. We are not taught this, however, and in many cases the role modeling may come from fairy tales and movies, or marriages that for the most part demonstrate dependency and convenience.
With Saturn’s support though we are prompted to set our own guidelines for how we want to relate. No one can tell you how to love or how to be in a relationship, you have to figure it out for yourself. Saturn is the authority in you, the authentic part in you that continuously attracts the opportunities to help grasp that experience and own it. And that’s why I believe you can rarely say I am ready for a committed relationship and mean it wholeheartedly, because it is like saying I am ready for the unknown, bring it on! Something that for many is very scary.
Furthermore, women thrive when they are in fulfilling relationships, when their inner fire is nurtured by love, acknowledgement and appreciation. And at the same time there is an innate longing to find the one true love and “live happily ever after” which may cloud the selection process.
With Mars’ active drive, women who are sensitive and romantic may either become aggressive with a cut-off-ish energy, “either this way or nothing at all,” or they may shut down because of a perceived lack of an ideal partner. In both cases, however, what is asked for is to allow room for a new sensation, a new experience, a new creation.
After all, we are clearing eons of conditioning and societal expectations of how men and women should relate and what their roles are, including the stereotype of the Prince saving Cinderella and everyone living happily ever after. This clearing is also part of what we are living now through the continuous Uranus-Pluto square and the foundational collapse in everything that has outlived its purpose.
Lastly, as we work with taking ownership for how we want to be and feel in relationships (Saturn in Scorpio) and we strive toward right relationships (Mars in Libra), creating a new foundation for intimacy and connection (Venus in Capricorn), we can heal past experiences by letting go of hatred and resentment, and of the times we were left disappointed and disillusioned.
Acknowledging that the nature of our relationships indicates where we are on our personal journey, which constantly changes and evolves, is the pathway to what we need to learn and practice next. This is the empowering foundation we are now stepping on and concretizing with our every thought, feeling and action as we move forward. It is up to us to make it the most beautiful, inspiring and fulfilling ever.
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